Home > Uncategorized > I used to go up/I used to go down…

I used to go up/I used to go down…

I’ve been out of martial arts for 2 weeks now (ankle sprain), and memory is beginning to return to me. My former self is beginning to return to me. This is neither good nor bad.

To expain… TaeKwon-Do provides a go-to topic to think about, so even when I’m not in the do jang, I know I should be thinking about how to execute a better kick, a better punch, and how can one develop indomitable spirit, anyway? Is it possible to “be content with what I’ve got” when I’m so fundamentally not living up to what my martial arts master wants me to be?

Like the cosmetic psychopharmacology of Prozac, martial arts rewrites my surface personality, scours down the intricate folding of my cortex, because I just don’t have time to think about anything else. I’m less moody and have more external support… but now that I’m gone, I worry a little about my lack of independence. While I’m there, things that used to disturb or worry me get glanced over and quickly forgotten. This may be healthy. Then again, it may be a sign that I’m relinquishing my sense of personal responsibility for my own thoughts and actions. And maybe the fact that I’m obsessing over it just means that I need to get my hands on some real SSRIs, STAT.

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