Archive for March, 2005

This just in

March 30, 2005 Leave a comment

Whey protein drinks are not as tasty as you might think.



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Welcome back…

March 29, 2005 Leave a comment

Three years after dislocating her knee, and my roommate’s back in white on the dojang floor.

Actually, she’s less in white than she wanted, as she would have preferred to return as a white belt, but is instead back in Red Belt City.

Still, looking good, and I hope to the high heavens that her knees remain fine.

Not just because I don’t want HER to suffer any more pain. If she injures herself again, her entire extended family will put a hit out on me.

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Another day, another sucker

March 29, 2005 Leave a comment

Every day, I buy a large coffee from the delightful Thai people who run the snack cart in my office building. Why do I do this? Their coffee is HORRIBLE. Watery sludge from the depths of some ancient, alien sewer. But they’re so charming and sweet, I just can’t say no.

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And now…

March 28, 2005 Leave a comment

I can get on with my LIFE.

Hey, did you know that cocoa butter actually smells like…COCOA??? True story.

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WHO’S your daddy?

March 28, 2005 2 comments

Note to self: All right. I guess you should never doubt yourself again.

So I’m a 2nd degree black belt now. (No attacks, please.)

It turned out to be not as hard as I thought (by which I mean my martial arts master only made us run 1.7 miles instead of 2, and 4 boards is only three inches of wood, not four).

On the other hand…

It was a beautiful day to run, sunny and not windy at all. The seven of us (plus Morgan, who is working on her cardio for the upcoming Korea trip) met to run the lower loop in Central Park at around 11am. Man, do those horses smell. Anyway, all was going well until we reached the home stretch, when suddenly we hit…ominous music, please…the EGG-STRAVAGANZA.

The Egg-stravaganza, for those of you who can’t guess, is an Easter egg hunt of enormous proportions. For a group of DESPERATELY JOGGING MARTIAL ARTISTS (no, really, we weren’t going all that fast) trying to make an 18 minute time limit (I mean, how much slower can we get?), it is experienced as a WALL, nay, AN OCEAN, no, A VERTICALLY CHALLENGED BUT NIGH IRRESISTIBLE WAVE of children, tiny tots, glowering parents with Easter baskets, and (oddly enough) an armored truck (presumably for the safe-keeping of eggs, or, perhaps, the mayor).

Whew! Well, a little off-trail cross-country for everyone. We all made it in time, and I swear I saw Paul do a ninja flip over a stroller-load of 2-month-olds. Well, that’s training for you.

After all that, the 1st degrees-to-be settled down to take their written test (the rest of us had already handed in our essays, or “love letters,” as my martial arts master would say), and then we all had lunch at the vegan place down the street. (Well, except for Marianne, who abhors all vegetables, tofu, and, as far as I can tell, food. :P)

After all THAT, we finally took the physical TaeKwon-do test. The school was packed, the 4-year-olds did an excellent job (and were so cute!), the adult color belts were solid, and then…

I think it was a really good black belt test. No one freaked out, everyone broke their boards, and no one got too hurt. So congrats to Shelley, Sterling, Jason, and John.

As for me, well, at this advanced age, I no longer freak myself out to the point where I can hear my heart beat through my ribs, but my mouth dried up like a salt lick.

I haven’t seen the video yet, but I think Marianne and I performed decently enough, especially when you take into account both her bad knees and all my sore limbs and hypochondria (heh). I wish I could have fought better, but tomorrow’s another day.

I’m not generally known for my breaks (or much of anything, really), but on Saturday, my breaking went better than it ever has in my life. On Saturday, I was the breaking QUEEN. I only had two breaks, but both the 4-board back kick and the 2-board elbow strike went on the first try. This has never happened to me before and maybe never will again, but at least now I will always know that it’s possible.

So for all of you, like me, who never believed that a 4’10″, 117 lb. woman could drive her right foot through 4 wooden boards on her first attempt, I guess we should all rethink our limitations.

The only test that I really got to see from the floor was Paul’s 3rd degree test, and it goes without saying that it was AWESOME. Not only were his patterns really powerful, but he fought two-on-one against Adam and Chris (yikes!) and then did an amazing 5-board sidekick break and a 3-board reverse turning kick. WEE-HAAA!!! I will never doubt him again.*

*even if he is a vegan.

All in all, it was a pretty good day.

P.S. Weirdly enough, there was a largish Vassar contingent in the audience, there to see Shelley and Paul. So, er. Hi John. Hi Dave. Hi Michelle. Long time no see.
P.P.S. Thanks to everyone for your support, instruction, and friendship!
P.P.P.S. I shall go back to being ill-tempered and snarky now.

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I can almost hear what you’re thinking…

March 25, 2005 6 comments

“Oh my God, the fucking DRAMA.”

You’d be right, of course. I probably do just need to move on to another city and leave all my hang-ups behind. Lord knows that if you even noticed (you haven’t, and that’s fine; I know I’m not your responsibility), you’d be incredibly bored with them by now.


Today, I am almost calm.

I looked at the boards, and 4 inches isn’t as thick as you might think. Then I duct-taped a board to the wall and practiced aiming.

I finished my essay, got my new ID photo taken, and handed The Man a check for an exhorbitant amount of money.

While filling out the application form, I learned that I have no idea if the country of my birth has STATES or not, and was appropriately ashamed. Then I remembered that the county of my birth couldn’t get rid of me fast enough, and felt vaguely vindicated.

Hey, by this time tomorrow, our own Shelley will be a black belt for the first time ever. So watch out, you guys. I know for a fact that she can break your ribs!

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Amazing true stories…

March 23, 2005 Leave a comment

I finally learned how much loose tea it takes to brew a cup. A teaspoon! Would you believe it?

Last night, went with M&K for yummy barbecue ribs and beer and chocolate peanut butter pie in Harlem. How I love food.

M says this test is RUINING HER LIFE, which may be true, but I think said ruination is the result of several factors. Never be a third grade schoolteacher in the South Bronx if you can help it, I think would the moral of her story.

The other day, she confiscated a note from a boy to a girl saying something like “After school, you will suck my dick. I will stick my dick in your pussy. Check (_) Yes (_) No.”

Young love.

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