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Archive for July, 2005

The failure of operant conditioning

July 27, 2005 Leave a comment

My poor mother has been laying the positive reinforcement on pretty thick: “What a nice SKIRT you’re wearing!” “You look so cute in that SKIRT!

Nice try, Ma, but I can still see right through you.

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I don’t get it, self…

July 25, 2005 Leave a comment

…what is with this need to watch “Smallville”? There’s no justifiable reason for this. No one even watches it on the job any more.

Well, if it’s any consolation, self, at least you haven’t gone cuckoo for Harry Potter, like the rest of humanity.

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Other than the constant, unrelenting fear…

July 20, 2005 Leave a comment

…today was a good day.

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Hmm

July 18, 2005 Leave a comment

I never realized my teeth were so sharp. Anyway, I did nothing over the weekend but drape myself over furniture and read “Specimen Days” by Michael Cunningham. Which I loved. Rho keeps calling me at the last minute to make me go to the movies, but it’s difficult to just drop everything and wrench oneself out of bed to make an hour long commute on a Sunday night. When she called me, she was already on page 247 of the new Harry Potter book. I know she’s been hefting the weights, so I guess she’s strong enough to lift the thing.

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July 18, 2005 Leave a comment

Have wounded my tongue on a jagged shard of Cap’n Crunch and am starting to lisp. But o! the sugary goodness.

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More trivialities

July 13, 2005 Leave a comment

Finished reading “If Chins Could Kill – Confessions of a B Movie Actor.”

The only two items on my grocery list that I simply must get are beer and jam. Jam is yummy. Why have we no jam???

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The heart of things

July 13, 2005 Leave a comment

Things to miss about my ex-home in Manhattan while languishing in the north Bronx:

1. Thai food/Indian food/good Japanese food in general, sushi in particular/Mediterranean food/24 hour diners.

2. The ability to be 10 minutes away from a safe place to nap at almost any time. (Once or twice in the past few weeks I managed to fall asleep under a bush in Central Park, but this course of (in)action is probably untenable during winter/inclement weather.)

3. People I know/People vaguely in my age bracket. Cell phones reign supreme, but the lack of reception in Riverdale cuts me out of spontaneous get-togethers, and among my set there is rarely any other kind. And what’s with all these effing families?

4. Bookstores every two blocks, many open till midnight.

5. Movie theaters, any.

6. The subway. (which abandons me 32 streets and 7 avenues from home)

7. Civilized places to drink beer.

8. A gym nearby. (In Riverdale, we have “health clubs” associated with luxury apartment buildings. Unsurpisingly, these are patronized mainly by the depressing, loud-mouthed, obnoxiously demanding people who can afford to live there. And to get there, I would still need to take a bus. I hate the bus because it is maddeningly slow and notoriously unreliable. Quite often, the BxM 2 just never shows up, and there is nothing anyone can do about this. My mother prefers the bus to the train because she feels the whole aboveground transit experience is much safer and more pleasant. My mother obviously did not get enough MTV during her childhood.)

9. Minorities.

10. Not being a loser.

Trade-offs:
1. Lost: microwave oven. Gained: A toaster oven AND a toaster! (Overall: fine. Nothing else is ever quite like toast, and my family’s inability to understand the concept of a proper bread receptacle means that we need a toaster if we don’t want our sandwiches encased in dry, freezer-burned slabs of cardboard. Of course, there’s no way to quickly defrost or warm leftovers, but I no longer have to feel guilty about not buying dietetic TV dinners. Plus, I can always enjoy a slice – or three – of hot buttered toast while I wait. )

2. Lost: Time Warner basic service. Gained: Cablevision basic service. (Overall: probably a draw. Although I suspect that I don’t get the Sundance Channel anymore, the longer commute cuts down on the free time I would need to verify this. Or watch television in general.)

3. Lost: Central Park. Gained: Van Cortlandt Park. (Overall: Oh, please.)

4. Lost: the time needed to do fun things. Gained: the money needed to do fun things. (Overall: …sigh.)

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