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I wonder if my new eyeglasses will be ready this week.

I wonder if they will cause nauseating headaches like the last ones did. These frames are looser, and yes, I went for the square frames, because, apparently, no other styles even exist anymore.

Every five years or so, I purchase a new pair of glasses, inflicting seasickness and migraines on myself for a week before giving up and returning to my habit of blocking oxygen from my corneas 18 hours a day. For half a grand, you’d hope a pair of spectacles wouldn’t make you absolutely want to die every time you wore them. But show me a New Yorker who isn’t a masochist, and I’ll show you a transplant from Texas.

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