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Weight Loss Rant

Have gained the rather alarming amount of 4 pounds in the last week. Note: My goal every week is to lose the 1-2 pounds of flab that all the diet and fitness rags say is “sensible” and “sustainable.” I am currently 7 pounds heavier and 6% more body fat-tastic than I was just before Thanksgiving, so this whole year has been an epic weight loss fail.

Yes, I am one of those people you see at the gym, year in, year out. No, I haven’t made any visible progress and look pretty much the same. You could say I’m spinning my wheels and am a total failure. Or you could say that I’m successfully maintaining, more or less.

Let’s recap. I’ve done the treadmill jogging, the outdoor jogging, interval training, kickboxing classes, many reps with light weights, fewer reps with heavier weights, bodyweight exercises via Turbulence Training, martial arts, and the occasional yoga class. I can do 100 pushups and two minute planks, but 0 full pull ups. But I don’t think I could give you a perceived rate of exertion to save my life, and therefore I’m probably not working out hard/smart enough. Also, they say you can never outrun a bad diet, so no doubt this is where I fall down: I eat pretty healthy food, but I eat far too much of it. When you’re sub-4’11”, 1200 calories (from the correct sources) is plenty, no matter how paltry your brain thinks it is.

I sabotage myself by thinking things like, Oh, it’s clean food/it’s healthy fat/it’s low carb/it’s an effing piece of fruit/it’s an effing piece of squash/I just finished a 24 hour intermittent fast/I’m always cold because I do IF/I developed secondary amenorrhea because of the IF/I’m hungry because of the hormone pills I’m taking for the secondary amenorrhea/I always drink too much decaf when I’m doing IF, and isn’t decaf even worse for you than regular coffee, because of the acidity/nutrient malabsorption? Bitch bitch, whine whine. These are obviously all excuses I use just to curl up and binge on peanut butter. If I wanted badly enough to be thin, I would be thin.

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