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It turns out that having a hyphenated or otherwise weirdly formatted first name can result in wackiness and refused invoices between your health care provider and your health insurance provider.

Silly progressive adoptive parents! If you could’ve predicted today’s byzantine health care/insurance industry, which desperately wants someone to pay precisely 0.5 a month’s (Manhattan) rent for inconclusive tests, you would have named me “Susan.”

I will never be able to afford to give you grandchildren, by the way. I’m too selfish to sacrifice, and there’s not enough love in my heart.

In other news: God, I’m fat. I need to lose at least 7 lbs. before Thanksgiving, so I don’t disappoint my nun aunt by being visibly more obese than the last time she saw me.

Categories: Uncategorized
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