Posts Tagged ‘list’

Things One Might Do That Are Possibly Compulsive

September 7, 2005 Leave a comment

Counting backwards
Finger tapping
Nail biting
Feeling one’s jaw for signs of double chin
Rapping on one’s monitor screen
Watching CNN

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The heart of things

July 13, 2005 Leave a comment

Things to miss about my ex-home in Manhattan while languishing in the north Bronx:

1. Thai food/Indian food/good Japanese food in general, sushi in particular/Mediterranean food/24 hour diners.

2. The ability to be 10 minutes away from a safe place to nap at almost any time. (Once or twice in the past few weeks I managed to fall asleep under a bush in Central Park, but this course of (in)action is probably untenable during winter/inclement weather.)

3. People I know/People vaguely in my age bracket. Cell phones reign supreme, but the lack of reception in Riverdale cuts me out of spontaneous get-togethers, and among my set there is rarely any other kind. And what’s with all these effing families?

4. Bookstores every two blocks, many open till midnight.

5. Movie theaters, any.

6. The subway. (which abandons me 32 streets and 7 avenues from home)

7. Civilized places to drink beer.

8. A gym nearby. (In Riverdale, we have “health clubs” associated with luxury apartment buildings. Unsurpisingly, these are patronized mainly by the depressing, loud-mouthed, obnoxiously demanding people who can afford to live there. And to get there, I would still need to take a bus. I hate the bus because it is maddeningly slow and notoriously unreliable. Quite often, the BxM 2 just never shows up, and there is nothing anyone can do about this. My mother prefers the bus to the train because she feels the whole aboveground transit experience is much safer and more pleasant. My mother obviously did not get enough MTV during her childhood.)

9. Minorities.

10. Not being a loser.

1. Lost: microwave oven. Gained: A toaster oven AND a toaster! (Overall: fine. Nothing else is ever quite like toast, and my family’s inability to understand the concept of a proper bread receptacle means that we need a toaster if we don’t want our sandwiches encased in dry, freezer-burned slabs of cardboard. Of course, there’s no way to quickly defrost or warm leftovers, but I no longer have to feel guilty about not buying dietetic TV dinners. Plus, I can always enjoy a slice – or three – of hot buttered toast while I wait. )

2. Lost: Time Warner basic service. Gained: Cablevision basic service. (Overall: probably a draw. Although I suspect that I don’t get the Sundance Channel anymore, the longer commute cuts down on the free time I would need to verify this. Or watch television in general.)

3. Lost: Central Park. Gained: Van Cortlandt Park. (Overall: Oh, please.)

4. Lost: the time needed to do fun things. Gained: the money needed to do fun things. (Overall: …sigh.)

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February 24, 2005 Leave a comment

On the “To Do” whiteboard at work:
Alex – Motion Menus
Richard – Cut Trailer
Eric – Inventory Audit
Billy – Fight Crime

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September 21, 2004 Leave a comment

It occurs to me that Splenda, unlike Sweet ‘n Low and more than Equal, sounds like it could be a prescription medication as well as a sweetness enhancer. Splenda. Allegra. Splenda. Paxil. Splenda. Celebrex. Prozac. Madonna.

In contrast, Zelnorm (Irritable Bowel Syndrome medication), sounds like a robot from a 50s sci-fi B-movie. “Quick, Zelnorm, the ray gun!”

More possible drug names:






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Movies/TV Shows I’ve Watched Before, During, or Just After Sex

July 11, 2004 Leave a comment

Ren & Stimpy
Wallace & Grommit
Starship Troopers
South Park
Meet the Feebles
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask

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